Today I was reading through recent posts on blogs I follow, and I came across a new poem from Vincent Mars called “Out Into the Rain.”
Vincent’s poem made me think of three things: 1) you can’t always control when the pain stops; 2) pain and suffering allow us to appreciate the simplicities of life; and 3) embracing and accepting our circumstances may lead to unexpected joy.
You can’t always control when the pain stops
The hardest thing about having misophonia, and now with having unexplained infertility, is that feeling of not being able to control what happens. I could avoid family or friend get-togethers, find a job that allows me to work remotely, order all my necessities online and schedule my groceries to be delivered weekly, but misophonia will always be right here with me.
Misophonia will never go away. As much as I try, the triggers will still come.
And the painful memories of when I didn’t know why I was reacting so angrily to noises but had no escape will always linger in my mind, edging themselves back into view with each repugnant sound. As for our unexplained infertility, I’m hoping this will soon pass, but knowing there is nothing I can really do is desolating. According to our doctor, no diet or life change will make a difference for us at this point. And I think for many people out there, no matter what their unique burdens might be, the fear of not being able to have control over what brings pain unites us. We all want to feel safe, happy, and able to take charge and determine our own circumstances, but many times this isn’t possible and we just have to wait until the rain stops.
Pain and suffering allow us to appreciate the simplicities of life
While there is so much unnecessary and heartbreaking suffering going on in the world serving no purpose, I do believe it is our acknowledgment of pain that makes us human. It makes us empathize with others and keeps us grounded; it resets us and focuses our attention on what really matters. I might have not fully appreciate the value of an understanding heart or beautiful sounds if I did not have contrasting experiences for comparison. While we don’t yet have any children, I can’t imagine I will ever forget the trials we went through to have a family, and, I hope, I will be able to remind myself each day of the gifts we’ve been blessed with as we journey through the ups and downs of parenthood.
Embracing and accepting our circumstances may lead to unexpected joy
I remember one day, in the summer before beginning high school, when my friends and I were practicing for the upcoming tennis team tryouts. Suddenly one of those overwhelmingly drenching summer rains erupted. We began to run around the tennis courts as if something had just awakened inside us. We became daring—like climb-the-wall-of-the-neighboring-convent-and-swim-the-length-of-the-pool daring—and I will never forget that moment in my life.
We embraced the rain and truly lived. I wish my life was filled with these euphoric moments. It’s not easy to embrace our hardships and choose to see the light through the clouds, but what I’ve started to (slowly) re-learn as an adult is that sometimes it’s ok to embrace the crappy circumstances. This doesn’t mean you have to ever fully accept what you don’t love, but you don’t have to physically fight it every minute of your life. Instead, you can devote some of that negative energy to finding those spontaneous, impromptu moments in life and embrace them instead.